Do You Have a Minute to Talk About Our Lord and Savior Ben Affleck?

I've lost count at the number of articles linked from my reading list of websites referencing the recent casting news that BEN AFFLECK is your new Dark Knight. "Why Batfleck is the Worst Casting Ever." "Why Ben Affleck is a Brilliant Choice as Batman." "Obama is a Muslim and Other Secrets the Liberal Media Isn't Telling You." It all runs together.

Even more so than the number of articles I've seen is the number of people who have asked me what my opinion is on the casting. And yet, I always have a simple-yet-eloquent answer for them: "I could not care less."

This is a picture of people installing floor tile.
I care about it more than Ben Affleck.

Now, it's not that I have anything against Ben Affleck. He's shown us that he has acting ability, and the Oscar speaks for his talent as a director. No, this article isn't about how him being Batman will turn our children gay and destroy our crops. Furthermore, I think we can stop hating on him by now, especially about Daredevil. There were other people involved. And if it brought Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner together, it can't all be for naught.

Daredevil's other superpower is true love.

Actually the reason I have an insane amount of apathy for this development is that I have absolutely no interest in where DC's cinematic universe is heading. Most people know by now that I hate Man of Steel more than most members of the Taliban. Zack Snyder created a world that was way too dark for its own good and managed to take all the fun out of superhero movies. That being said, I simply don't have any interest in spending any more time in that world than I already had to. Adding a "Dark Knight" to an already dark Superman sounds like the most depressing two hours I could spend in a theater.

I've also been thinking recently of something a friend of mine said. He told me that he hopes Hollywood stops making superhero movies for at least a decade. While that sounds weird, let me explain on his behalf. What he meant was that superhero movies are on overdrive right now - anyone could see that. He believes that if they continue to be made, they'll never be made again after this phase of filmmaking is over. No new, imaginative director or writer will get to try his or her hand at making a Spider-Man or a Wonder Woman, and the public won't get to experience it.

I agree with him, to a degree. Warner Bros. and 20th Century Fox should definitely take a hiatus. I throw in Fox there because the constant stream of X-Men films has been decent, but nothing mind-blowing. I saw The Wolverine this summer; it was good, but it really didn't need to exist. Nobody wanted another movie where Hugh Jackman is angry.

On the contrary, Disney's Marvel Studios should continue full steam ahead. The team there is on a roll, and for once, characters like the Avengers are finally being put onscreen in the right way. And, oh yeah, those movies are actually fun to watch.

No, I won't boycott the new movie - I might even see it. I just can't get excited for it. It won't be a fun experience, either as a team-up movie or a springboard for a JLA film.

But hey, I'm willing to be pleasantly surprised.

Jumping Into Obscurity

It's no secret I spend way too much money and time on comics. My summer job literally gave me no more than four shifts in the past three months, and yet every single paycheck went straight to catching up on my chosen series. And when it comes to series, I could definitely do with fewer. I have my DC mainstays Batman and Justice League, my Marvel team books like X-Men and Guardians, and my critical darlings Hawkeye and Saga - you know, when Brian K. Vaughan feels like putting out an issue.

C'mon, dude. It's not like you're busy growing hair.

Okay, that was mean. Nevertheless, Saga's been my go-to source for the weird and out-there, and its hiatus is starting to take its toll. So this week, I chose to go out and grab some indie series, and the results have been, well, pretty weird and out-there. Here's a few series that just debuted and are definitely worth checking out.

First up is Josh Fialkov and Joe Infurnari's The Bunker. I absolutely adored Fialkov's recent handling of the gone-too-soon I, Vampire, and he definitely shows his effectiveness with this new digital title. His usual sense of humor is still present, even if the subject matter is much darker than what he usually portrays. While I haven't seen any of Infurnari's work, he does a fine job with cartoonish yet gritty illustrations here. The Bunker revolves around a group of friends hanging out in a forest (Is that what friends do?) when they come across a mysterious bunker underground. What follows is a great mystery with some time travel and an apocalypse thrown in for good measure. The jump into this world can be a bit jarring, so I recommend giving the issue two reads so you can get your bearings. The Bunker's first issue is available digitally for only $1.99, so it's not that much of a gamble to get into what seems to be a promising story.

The next title I'd actually recommend not reading digitally, but rather in print, like our Amish brethren. Trillium, written and illustrated by Jeff Lemire, features a gimmick that doesn't feel that much like a gimmick: The book asks that you read one of its two converging story lines and then turn the book upside-down to read the other. I love it when creators take advantage of their media, and seeing this in something as simple as a print book doesn't happen as much as you'd think. As I mentioned before, Trillium involves two plots and two different characters coming together in what's been advertised as a time-travelling love story.

Love it.

A friend of mine recently turned me on to some of Lemire's work. I absolutely loved what I've read so far of Sweet Tooth, another book in which he's also illustrated. Jeff Lemire's artistry may appear strange at first glance, but it definitely grows on you - also, watercolors are pretty.

Finally, I have for you a little something that you may find stranger than the last two. I give you Burn the Orphanage. This one's been on my radar for a while, because it's called FREAKING BURN THE ORPHANAGE. However, this is not only the best band name of all time. It's also a great homage to classic games like Street Fighter and Double Dragon which you either grew up playing or (if you're my age) lied and told everyone you totally played them even though you were in no way old enough. Burn the Orphanage also has a sense of melodrama with its story you can't help but love. Characters and dialogue are exaggerated, and the action even more so. The plot isn't that involved, but that's why I gave you the last two comics. If you wanted thought-provoking stories, you grab Trillium and The Bunker. If you want kick decapitations, a guy named Bear with the literal heart of a bear, and stripper ninjas, you pick up Burn the Orphanage.

There's just a few indie series for you to try. I chose them because these issues that just released are the #1s, and thus a great jumping on point for interested readers. If you guys have any indie series for me to read, I'd love to dive into something a little more obscure than my regular superhero title. Put your recommendations in the comments.

Pacific Rim Review: Too Awesome for a Clever Title

That's it, everyone. Wrap it up. Shut it down.

Pacific Rim just made any other movies this summer completely pointless.

I had pretty high expectations going into Guillermo del Toro's new giant-robot-versus-giant-monster action epic. Heck, I was so excited for this movie that I was willing to turn my brain off and enjoy the spectacle if needed be. However, it turns out that Pacific Rim is a near-perfect example of how to put out a mind-blowing action movie that isn't afraid to throw some substance in with its style.

Suck it, Snyder. All of it. Suck everything.

For those reading who use Ad Blocker, Pacific Rim takes place in the near future, where a portal to another dimension has opened up in the ocean to transport into our world massive beasts called Kaiju (named after the Japanese genre films involving similar creatures). To retaliate, the countries of the world settled their childish differences and constructed equally large robot fighters called Jaegers (named after the Meister consumed to inspire their creation). Mechs of this scale require not one but two pilots to mush together their thoughts and memories and cooperate. These Gundams powered by friendship end up making things go boom, and crap gets punched like it's going out of style. Oh, and it's all really amazing.

Still, I remember calling it near-perfect. When it's all said and done, the story beyond the premise isn't going to win any Oscars. There are some great twists and subtle hints that illuminate the film's mythology, but most of the plot is what you've already seen in the trailers. And while I can't commend del Toro enough for his ambition with pushing a project like this to a major release, I'll admit he tries to maintain too many moving parts. There's classic American action, some sequences resembling anime, a romance subplot, and a few more elements. They don't all gel that well together, but this is by no means a deal-breaker.

Pacific Rim works best when it has its "full steam ahead" action on display. The Kaiju hit hard. The Jaegers hit harder. The punches have an incredible weight to them. The sheer scale of this movie still blows my mind. I can't emphasize enough that you should see Pacific Rim in anything but a standard theater. 3D, IMAX, or whatever else is fine. I saw the movie at a "Mega Screen" in St. Louis that uses elephants as units of measurement (must be a metric thing), and the experience was all the more incredible. Lastly, don't be worried that all the cool action sequences were given away in the trailers. Pacific Rim is more than willing to bring out some surprises.

And audible cheers from my section of the theater.

After the lights went up, I looked behind me and saw a kid, no older than ten. I was so jealous of him. I would have killed to see something like Pacific Rim when I was his age. I haven't felt such sheer childish excitement during a movie in I don't know how long. So it's with this closing paragraph that I have a request. Go see Pacific Rim. Bring a younger brother or sister or cousin. Go with your family. Just go. And remember, if Grown Ups 2 beats this at the box office, the terrorists win and it was your fault for not doing enough.

Until next time. I feel the deepest desire to buy a Gipsy Danger action figure. And no, I don't think that's weird.

Man of Steel

[NOTE: This isn't as much a review as it is a rant. This article does contain spoilers, so if you wish to experience Man of Steel with fresh eyes, come back later. Also, I'm pretty emotional and tired, so that may contribute to my opinions and the content of this post as well.]

In the 1990s, DC Comics developed a storyline in which a character named Doomsday would appear and kill the once-thought invincible Superman. Many fans viewed this as an unnecessary stunt to boost comics sales and met the event with heavy backlash. To some, "The Death of Superman" included concepts that outright insulted fans of the character. It is with a heavy heart I find that Man of Steel, director Zack Snyder's reintroduction of Superman into popular culture, has transgressed just as much.

Before I get into the meat of the subject and the commenters have a go at me, I should probably mention Man of Steel's positives. The all-star cast is great, and Henry Cavill plays an excellent Kal-El. Much of the Kryptonian architecture looks cool, and there's a few adjustments to the Superman mythos that lead to a more sensical story. Are those enough? Okay, cool.

There are plenty of complaints to be had with the film, so I won't get into all of them here. I especially won't mention the rampant product placement (like the indestructible Sears, the extended shots of IHOP, or the Uhaul trailer with the pricing listed on it). However, one area in particular stuck with me: The unnecessarily dark tone, and, by relation, Superman's utter disregard for life. About halfway through the film's bloated runtime, a large battle between Zod and his cronies and Superman commences. What happens from then on is... appalling.

For about an hour or so, the audience is pelted with imagery of countless citizens being crushed by buildings, caught in explosions, and tossed around like rag dolls. It's all done to raise the stakes and make the need for a hero all the more dire, but there's a problem: Superman never shows up to save them. So there I was, watching a sizzle reel of death and destruction, all of it shocking and none of it impacting anything. And the worst part? The onscreen hero doesn't even care. The concept of being unable to save everyone he encounters has always been a hurdle for the character of Superman; instead of Man of Steel leaping over it in a single bound, it just...avoids it. As a fan of not only this one but all other heroes, I found Superman's laissez faire approach to the death of innocents on display here sickening.

One could compare the film's battles in Smallville and Metropolis to the one found in last summer's The Avengers, in which New York City takes a major hit from an alien attack. A similar amount of destruction occurred in that film; but since the movie never actually showed people dying in the streets, the illusion that most if not everyone was saved was put out. As unrealistic as that was, I didn't mind - the heroes were successful and I wasn't left depressed.

Man of Steel brings a conclusion as oddly as it brought a climax. Superman has Zod in a headlock in a crowded train station. In a last-ditch effort to break Superman, Zod starts to aim his laser vision at an innocent family. Instead of putting his indestructible hand in front of the beam or simply moving Zod, Superman breaks his neck. It's done with the aim of showing that he had to test his morals to save those he cares about, but it all just feels uncomfortable.

I wouldn't recommend Man of Steel to any fans of the character. In fact, there's three groups of people I imagine would be downright offended by the film. The first is those like me: Not exactly fans of Superman, but fans of other heroes and those with enough respect for Superman that they know when he's been tampered with. The next would be those like my parents: They grew up with the lighthearted Christopher Reeve films, and this one's tone steps all over that. The last group hurts the most to me: The kids having their first experiences with a superhero. Costumes and comics shaped the majority of my childhood, and to think that such a gray and grim version of a classic role model is being distributed to those needing someone to look up to is simply unacceptable.

At the end of the day, Man of Steel doesn't make me angry. It only makes me sad. It makes me sad to see that such a classic and admirable character can be made out to have such a blatant disregard for his fellow man. If you ask me, the death of Superman isn't a tattered cape on a flagpole or a bloody "S" symbol, but rather what I saw earlier this evening. If there's a Justice League franchise to be built here, there's a lot of work that needs to be done.

I apologize if this article was a bit over the top and melodramatic. However, superheroes are a topic I tend to get riled up about. Also, if Snyder can be over the top and melodramatic, I don't see why I can't. Have a good night, everyone.

This Is The End Review: Spoiler, Everyone Dies

Have you ever seen a demon's wang? Did you want to? No? Well, if you sit in on This Is The End, this summer's high-profile comedy from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, you'll see a couple. But if it's any consolation  you'll also see one of the funniest and enjoyable films of the year.

But really, you'll want one of these. You know, for the devil penises.

This Is The End exists to basically ask the question, "How would a group of comedians handle the apocalypse?" Interestingly, the film is self-aware, so the actors onscreen are portraying the...actors onscreen. As far as comedies go, this cast is pretty impressive. You have your essential group of Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Jonah Hill, and Craig Robinson, with some supporting work from the likes of Emma Watson, Danny McBride, and Michael Cera, among others. With an ensemble of this caliber, I was a little worried that some actors would get more screentime or jokes than others; but luckily, each character plays well off each other, and no one feels slighted. It should be noted that much of the fun had while watching This Is The End comes from the self-deprecating humor of the actors' personalities and acting history. If you're usually pretty bitter about this group's work, the movie won't change your mind (But if you need a reason as to why people find Michael Cera funny, don't overlook his role here - he's awesome as a coked-up party boy).

Admittedly, Nick and Nora didn't have nearly enough Rihanna butt-smacking.

The film opens with Jay Baruchel meeting Seth Rogen for a weekend together in Los Angeles, the bane of Jay's existence. Seth drags Jay to a party at James Franco's house with Seth's new celebrity friends, where we find out how much Jay despises this crowd. So when he and Seth leave to get cigarettes, it's only natural that the end of the world swings into motion, and Jay is forced to survive with the very people he hates. As far as comedies go, this one gets...pretty dark, actually. There's enough gore, violence, and rape jokes to categorize this as a black comedy, if not a horror/comedy film.  Scott Pilgrim gets impaled, several people get run over by cars, and there's more than a couple decapitations. It's not for the faint of heart.

One thing I wasn't expecting to impress me as much as it did was the film's special effects. For a summer comedy, I thought I'd see some cheap green screen usage or some generic monster models. However, This Is The End features fully conceptualized creatures, and yeah, they have dongles. But impressive cast and special effects aside, the film is, at its core, very funny. There are great gags and riffs, the most memorable being a fight between Danny McBride and James Franco regarding McBrides "me time." If you look closely, you see even Seth Rogen unable to keep it together.

After seeing This Is The End, I'm anticipating a bit of controversy. Ironically, after several apocalypse movies over the past few years, this raunchy comedy is the first to reference the Biblical Judgment Day. Any sticklers who tend to be easily offended by media that messes with theology won't enjoy this particular movie. Much of what the film asserts as the "rules" of the apocalypse don't really align with what Christians believe. However, as a Christian myself, I can happily say that This Is The End never craps on religion. It only plays with it, and nothing winds up feeling offensive.

But I was cool with Dogma, so grain of salt and all that.

Potential whininess aside, This Is The End is well worth seeing. It's a fun time with a lot of great comedy thrown in, even if it gets a bit too dark for its own good at times. Most importantly, though, I can't say how relieved I am to see a truly enjoyable film. After a summer that's been laced with mediocrity (Star Trek, Now You See Me, After Earth, The Purge), This Is The End provides the amount of excitement we expect from summer movies but haven't actually received since Iron Man 3. Check it out as soon as possible, because we all know Man of Steel will be the only movie discussed after this weekend.